Saturday, March 14, 2015

Dealing With Unreasonable People (Parents/Partner etc.) 。Warzone Version

Meeting different kinds of people with very different personalities  , have you ever met people that sometimes make you so happy and you're so grateful that they are there for you . The next moment they might turn into someone that you find it's difficult to get along with them or you just got so annoyed by them ,without any expectation or any omen ? They might make you so confused with life and you wish everything were just a dream ? You wish they were there for you but you wish they just get out of your sight right immediately at the same time . How ironic, huh ? But there's none other than you, who knows what you want the most , I mean your priority =) You know you can't live without them , or you can ? Well it depends how much they take up the space in your heart , and how you wish that connection goes , to keep it or to ruin it ? Well , when you've ran out of choices , deal with it ! Wonder why I named it 'warzone version' ? In short , it's all about dealing with unreasonable , loud and mean (to a certain extend ) people.This post is directed to people dealing with unreasonable CLOSED ONES

Get To Know The Types Of Unreasonable People 
(according to
The Arguer - Argues very often ,they will insist they are correct and you are the jerk who is creating all the drama or the source of an argument . They are firm to their stance and you will not expect them to change their mind .

The Explosive - Infuriated even at the smallest matter , scolding mean words to you making you feel so useless , argue more violently than the arguers . They yell and even hurt you , be it slapping you or kicking you , pulling your hair , et cetera.They are like possessed , like a bear with a soar head and they are not their usual self for sure .

The Passive-aggressive - They are silent , will not tell you what's wrong and you will  notice something is wrong through the way they behave in front of you . They use avoid you , don't talk to you and make you feel guilty and confused without showing their dissatisfaction directly . They act like they are okay but you know they are not.In short , it's like how the public see all women as....... they like the 'cold war' ? okay whatever ! 
Continue reading to see how i deal with it perfectly !
Oh well , not sure if it is true .
Continue reading to see how i deal with it perfectly !

Situation 1 | In The 'Warzone'
Never reason with , this is a complete nuisance , continue reading to find out why

1) Never Reason With Them
 Trying to reason out an issue with them is a complete nuisance .They will not accept any reasonable reasoning and that will not be an argument that makes sense at the moment . Everything you explain will fall on deaf ears , they will not listen .Trying to explain just make things worse and you might go insane ,seriously ! The more you explain , the more misunderstanding you guys will have because they are often very manipulative. If you really want to do this to clear things up, do this when everyone is calm and in a good mood .(It's better not to , because they are unreasonable !)

2) Put Yourself in their shoes
Try to figure out why they are being like that , think ! There's always a reason behind something . As you are deep into thought , you will not pay much attention to the 'explosive' argument  , and i believe you will be distracted and feel more comfortable in the 'warzone' . The loud noises fade away as you go into deep thinking.

3) Go With The Flow
Just agree with them whatever they are saying , even though it's not the truth . Just nod and agree despite being slandered and the whole argument is a grievance to you . You might feel really uneasy and mentally torturous to a certain extend , but it's always better not to make things complicated at this fiery moment.

4)Remain Passive /Not Reactive/Not Defensive
An argument will not be long if it is one-sided . Wait , is it even called an argument ? Well , whatever it is ,never speak for yourself or defend yourself , if you really hate being in the 'warzone'. keep quiet and listen or pretend you're listening . Make them feel like they are the only one talking , they will find it pointless and it will stop as soon as possible .
Stay calm and it will definitely be best for all , continue reading to find out how and why

5) Calm Yourselves
Remain calm , if they are in a fiery mood , you should be the one who is cool , to extinguish the fire ! If they are mad , and you are mad , they situation will not be good for both .  Alright , to make you understand better , this can be explained using the yin and yang concept according to Chinese philosophy. The chinese word Yin comes out to mean "shady side" and Yang "sunny side". Yin Yang is the concept of duality forming a whole . For example , night (Yin) and day (Yang) and to apply this concept to this situation , anger complements cool ! Close your eyes, take a deep breathe , calm down bro !

6) Calm Them 
Show them the fact that you're worried about them for being so angry / emotional . Tell them to calm down a little bit and show that you care for them , to be specific , their health . They might realize that you actually care for them and this might divert the reason why did the the argument happen . If they are someone special or close to you , give them a warm cuddle and mutter some comforting words to them. "Bae / bro ,I dont wish that we argue so much " , or the simplest one " (insert name) , I love you ,bae. These simple phrases might make them realise that they are appreciated and everyone enjoys being loved ! 
Dealing it , the asian way , you must know about this !

7)Keep interaction and Communication At Minimum
Mentioned earlier , refer # 1) , the more you speak , the deeper the misunderstanding is . Words can easily provoke them and make it worse . It's just best to agree with them and never talk back . I know what you're thinking right now , " but I'm just explaining , I'm not talking back ". No matter what it is ,THEY ASSUME EVERY WORDS FROM YOU AS BEING RUDE /TALKING BACK , cause they are unreasonable , remember ?  When they think you are rude , this compounds to the root of the argument ( another issue/dispute) , two is more than one , so this will make things worst . Explain when you guys are in a great mood , choose the right moment , It's important to make things clear ! If you can bear with it , of course its better not to explain . 

8) Remind Yourself That They Care About You
Always tell yourself that they are just concern about you , want the best for you , that's why they are reacting too overboard sometimes .Be grateful . If it's someone really close ,  she/he is being overprotective over you . I would say she /he is suffocating you with love and care . Good and bad at the same time , having someone who shower you with love and at the same time , do it too much which tends to leave you feeling stressed. 

9) Never Escape the 'Warzone' deliberately 
The unreasonable someone is speaking as if they are pouring everything out of their mind without filters. Its normal when they mentioned something really mean or affects you a lot . Whatever it is , never excuse yourself from the 'warzone' , they will be really pissed off and i'm sure you don't want what happens next . You might inflict domestic violence with just that movement, that makes you feel better temporarily . 

10) Admit Your Mistake or 'Mistake' .
If they are confronting you of your mistake or 'mistake' , just apologise and promise you will change. I know it's difficult ( if you really did not do anything wrong) , but it's for better. Pride and dignity is NOT IMPORTANT when you're dealing with unreasonable people , so don't be silly that you can win them .

11)What Doesnt Kill You Makes You Stronger
"What ? so you tell me not to explain , reason out  (#1, #4 #7) , satisfy whatever they want ( #10 ) , keep silent ( #3 ,#4) , how can i do it ? It will drive me crazy , seriously ?" These might be the words that is on your mind now , you are proven to be impatient , prioritize justice too much , care too much , sensitive . But don't worry , most of us are like that , we all need time to get along with unreasonable people BUT don't be too hard on yourself . Remember what Kelly Clarkson conveys her message in her song ? " What doesn't kill you makes you stronger " . Exactly , you will be a better person (in terms of EQ or a.k.a emotional intelligence ) so if suicide is on your mind right now , it's a big fat-o NO from me . Its not worth it , you will have some additional knowledge in life which will be really useful in future . 

Situation 2 | Just Got Outta The 'Warzone'
there are a lot of people who care about your concern , continue reading to check out who are they !

1) Find Someone Who Understands
I know it will not be easy , if you obey all the advices from me up there ( which is the best TO ME ) , it's really crucial to have some aftermathpsychotherapy (just a name i came up with , don't search in google ,HAHA )to counteract your experience. Find someone who can relate to your problem , someone who experiences the same thing as you . Most of the time , its not only they are unreasonable , their siblings might have the same characteristics. Talk to their sibling's partner or children . They might be the perfect listener .

2) Find Someone Closest To You / Trusted True Friends
They know you the best , they are your best listener . I'm sure they feel you  , they can offer you some cosy cuddle and lend you a shoulder too ! best feeling ever !

3) Temporal Escape From Reality
If you don't have someone that you feel comfortable to open up with , temporal escape is good enough , don't think of suicide when i mentioned the word escape , that's not a choice and that is permenant escape which is a terrible sin ! There's a lot of choices for a temporary getaway 

  • travel - Drive yourself to somewhere therapeutic , it can be by the beach , you might wanna go for a dive , dive into the underwater world , rid of the human world for a while ! 
  • sleep- Its like death but better than death in many senses, you will wake up , to continue to see this beautiful world !Yes the world is beautiful , if you don't feel or see it , you're not grateful enough ! 
  • game- turn to your favourite game , you might break your high score and make your day ! 
  • music- headphones on , all on your mind is music , great ! 
  • Do something you like - you will be more motivated and productive in this circumstance , playing or piano , or even studying . 

4) Seek Help From Trusted Strangers

You're not alone , our society is really helpful to care about your concerns. There's a trusted stranger that is more than happy to offer you help and support 24/7 , anytime , anyday in Malaysia . Just dial 15999 , it's named the Talian Nur , calls can be made through fixed line at home , mobile phone or even public phone ! Just speak to them whatever that is bothering you , they are there to listen to you ! Well , you can also drop me a message to me on  Facebook  if you really need help , but i can't reply you right immediately like how Talian Nur works . If we don't have mutual friends , your message will fall into the 'other' folder automatically (junk folder). Besides , I don't reply to strangers that only say  'Hi '  to me , tell me more ! =) 

5) Avoid them 
To prevent future outbreaks , It's better to avoid them , talk less to them (just in case they are sensitive) . If they are your family , try to understand them ,rather than avoiding them because you can choose your friend but NOT family . Be grateful because God bless you with them , everything happens for a reason only God knows why ! 

As Kelly Clarkson eloquently said " what doesn't kill you makes you stronger ! " . Eradicate the negative thoughts and stay strong ! You will be a wiser person , conquer emotional intelligence (IQ) after all ! The most damaged people is the wisest , isn't that great ? You just gotta remember the good things behind it if you're enduring something you despise .

To wrap this up , check your list if they are really unreasonable , or you're being the one that unreasonable ! teehee. Characteristics of an unreasonable person .

  • twist your words/meaning
  • manipulative
  • lie 
  • verbally or emotionally abuse you ( mean /offensive words )
  • drive you insane ( you can't think well )
  • make you confused about what is right and what is wrong / what happened
  • make you suicidal
  • accuse you things that are not true
  • sometimes violent ( they might just go and grab a knife )
  • loud 
  • never be grateful
  • always complaining
  • never realise nor reflect 
  • very sensitive
  • think that they are always right 
  • will never change
Disclaimer : The information contained is for informational purpose only . None of the information contained constitutes nor should be seen as a professional psychological advice . Readers must be aware of the risks and consequences and should be more thoughtful before referring to the information provided . No legal or non-legal accountabilities will be held if any party will or likely to suffer any loses or any unpleasant happenings . I strongly recommend you to consult a psychologist /counsellor/psychiatrist if you experience any mental difficulties . All of the content above are the writer's own views and opinions based on real-life experience unless stated. No plagiarism is intended in any ways. I own none of the pictures above .

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Peace out (\/)

Kaylyn Ang

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